Is it any wonder that people become a fan?  No pun intended here, but the word “fan” is short for “fanatic”.  Interestingly enough, that word comes from a Latin word *“fanaticus” which was inspired by orgiastic (pertaining to or having the nature of an orgy) rites.  It conveys the meaning of something extreme, cultish and beyond normal.

The power of fantasy is rooted in ones ability to control something mentally over which one has, in reality, no control in the real world.  What begins mentally as a way to control, cope, escape or gratify that which cannot be achieved in the real world can migrate to words on paper, drawings, pictures, film and other ways of expression.  When pursued, these become a counterfeit reality that will alter all perception of what is actually real.  Is anyone actually surprised when couples who turn to porn to re-ignite their relationship end up in divorce?  Pushing a button on a DVD player is a poor excuse for building a satisfying relationship.  I’ve always found that actually going to a restaurant with my wife is much more satisfying than watching the best that the Food Network has to offer.

It is hard to get away from the fact that pornography provides exactly what it promises.  A fantasy.  And who buys into that fantasy?  It is this guy…. *With her enticing words she caused him to yield, with her flattering lips she seduced him.  Immediately he went after her as an ox goes to the slaughter or as a fool to the correction of the shackles, till an arrow struck his liver.  As a bird hastens to the snare, he did not know it would take his life…….she has cast down many wounded and all that were slain by her were STRONG men.  Thinking with something other than ones head is nothing new.  It is the Achilles heel of most men.  Sexual behavior one of the main areas evaluated by foreign governments when wanting to manipulate or turn foreign agents or others.  Hello?  Pornography makes a person a target.

When it comes to the subject of sex, men often fall into the category of a dumb ox.  Very strong, very virile, but easily yoked and led.  It has been shown that an ox will even respond to commands given in a whisper.  Oxen are used almost exclusively as draft or work animals.  This is an accurate picture of a person who is yoked to pornography.

This person isn’t free.  This person has a yoke around his neck and is driven daily to do the same “work” over and over again by something as soft as a gentle whisper.  Like the powerful ox that could break free, he willing allows the yoke to encircle his neck and restrict his view.  Like the ox that wants to please his master, he willingly submits to his apparent destiny and empties his resources while his master reaps all the profits.  It is a life of servitude and not freedom.  It is a life of abuse and not empowerment.  It is a life filled with lies and not living.

Lies are always about manipulation and control.  The greatest deception with pornography as with other lies, is that one initially thinks that they are in control of a situation only to find out that they are the ones who are being controlled.  When your partner is not available or you can’t have sex when you want, no problem.  Just dial it up, load the DVD, go on the computer, or pay a prostitute and you’re good to go.  You’re in control now.  Right?  Wrong!  True freedom is not about being driven by desire.  True freedom isn’t about being driven at all.  True freedom is being content in all circumstances.  True freedom is about NOT having to do anything or NOT being driven by anything.  True freedom is NOT being manipulated by the lie.

TV shows like “Punked” and others like it are a great example of what happens to a person who is set up to believe a set of circumstances that have been orchestrated in such a way as to cause them to absolutely believe something that is totally contrived and untrue.

Of course, when they find out the truth, their reactions are the best!  They often say things like, “How could you do this to me?  I can’t believe you did this to me!  You can see how embarrassing it is when they realize that everyone has watched them fall for this stupid prank.  They all are laughing.  How embarrassing!

This is also true for us as well when we fall for the fantastic porn ruse.  We play right along and fall for one lie after another.  Finally when it is all over and it has been exposed for what it is, we’re embarrassed that we fell for it in the first place.  We suddenly realize that we’ve been the humorous entertainment of the day for those demons responsible for the ruse in the first place.  Like the producers of the show in the control booth giving direction and laughing all the way to the bank, so are the enemies of our soul.

In the end, pornography really is fantastic.  It’s a total fantasy and lie.  It’s a great ruse.  It provides continual entertainment for the enemy of our soul.  Its purveyors sit in the control booth and laugh all the way to the bank while the lives of their consumers and actors are systematically destroyed.

The scriptures promise that we can know the truth and that the truth WILL set us free.  Be set free by the truth.  Be encouraged by the truth.  Become a warrior of the truth.  Leave the lie behind.  Get a life…. a real life.

For help with sexual addictions seek the support of real guys who have successfully tackled this issue head on.  Check out: http://www.samsonsociety.net/

*All word definitions come from the World English Dictionary.  Scripture reference is from  Proverbs  7: 21-26

Think about it.  If it were possible to live a joyous, fulfilled life apart from God then sending his son to die on a cross for us was an incredibly useless and needless effort.  Only complete, whole individuals can make a complete, whole marriage.  If you can’t be loved completely by the One whose love is perfect, how in the world are you going to deal with a spouse who, on their best day cannot hold a candle to that kind of love?

Submitting to Christ and his word is the first role in which we enter.  This role is one of reverent submission and total dependency.  It acknowledges that without Him we can do nothing and that a life submitted to Him can do all things through Him.  Being emptied of ourselves allows us to be filled with the purity and power of the Holy Spirit to be all we can be on a moment-by-moment basis.  Who wouldn’t want that!  Who wouldn’t want to share that with their spouse?  Spirit filled people produce powerhouse marriages because the power to apprehend and fulfill their God given roles flows through them.  To be clear on this, trying on these roles will not get it done.  Dying to independent living and embracing these roles will.

Roles for husbands include:

 Leader (1Cor. 11:3) The buck stops somewhere and like it or not, final leadership biblically lies with the husband.  It is the role of a servant leader that exemplifies and exercises love and authority given to him through prayer.  This kind of leadership will bring stability to the family and serve as a stabilizing force that stands firm despite circumstances.

A good leader understands that there are enemies of the family and that the family is not the enemy.  He also understands that his wife is given to him as a powerful helpmate whose input is to be both welcomed and highly valued.

Reassurer (Eph 5:25, 1Pet 3:7) One of the best words that exemplifies this concept is the word “cherish”.  It is a word we don’t use much anymore but carries with it the idea of holding something dear; regarding it as valued treasure.  Actions of husbands should communicate a deep love, caring and concern for their wives; reassuring them of our love and exemplifying faithfulness.  Since motivations are important to her, actions stemming from a true heart of caring and concern will go a long way to bring security to her.

Provider (1Tim 5:8; Deut 6:6-9) The role of provider is one of the most clearly stated roles in the bible.  While it is often seen supplying physical needs and being the main breadwinner, it also includes supplying all that kingdom living requires.  As such, men should provide the spiritual leadership in their homes, providing godly counsel to the family and godly purpose to their lives.

Example of God’s heart (Mk 10:44; Matt 6:14-15) The heart of God longs for reconciliation and restoration.  The heart of God is to quickly and consistently forgive.  Men should step out boldly and be the instrument of healing and restoration in their families.

Lover/Protector (Eph 5:25-28; 1Cor 7:3-5) The command to love our wives as Christ loved the church and gave our life for her is a tall order that can only be accomplished with a total dependency on God himself to fulfill that command through us.

Fulfilling this command begins with being more concerned about our wife’s needs than our own.  It means that we minister to the needs of our wife as directed by the Holy Spirit, not when we feel like it.  It means that we learn to emphasize with her and minister to her according to the word.

Above all, cover her and the family in prayer.  Know their concerns and be sure they know that know that you know and are seeking the Lord on their behalf.

In the bedroom, be aware of her needs and ensure that her needs are met both emotionally and physically.  The sexual relationship should be pure and reflective of the marriage covenant.

Example of God’s sovereignty (Heb 3:13; 2 Cor 10: 5,6) God’s sovereignty means that ultimately the buck begins and ends with Him.  As his representatives here on earth, we can speak authoritatively and unapologetically regarding his word.  Speaking in this manner does mean speaking by exuding love and encouragement.  It means lovingly keeping the family on track.  It means being edifying and encouraging excellence.  It also means that by respecting God given authority, your authority is to be respected.

Intercessor and Warrior (Jas 4:7,8; Jas 5:16) Men were created for combat and to deal with challenges.  Husbands are the chief intercessor for the wife and family.  We are to fight in prayer with Spirit led discernment against all enemy activity and fleshly motivations in the family.  We are to take authority over spirits of darkness coming against our families.

 Roles for wives include:

 Supporter (Eph 5:22-24; 1Pet 3:1,2) Given the role of the husband to lead in a godly manner, it follows that the wife should be his greatest supporter.  Wives who are constantly critical of their husbands will erode their confidence and hinder them from moving into their god given role.  As covenant partners you both are on the same side.  Respect the authority God has placed in him and provide the necessary counsel and encouragement for him to move forward in that role.

Do not side with the children, your parents or girlfriends against him.  Seek God and godly counsel from your pastor for yourself when confronted with impasses that may arise.

Helpmate/Help Meet (Gen 2:18; Prov 31:10-12) This word that comes from the Hebrew word meaning to “surround” does not indicate a secondary or subservient role.  In fact, it indicates a primary responsibility to work in concert with her husband by surrounding him with support, encouragement, comfort and prayer.  It means surrounding him with the word of God and sharing godly counsel with him; making available to him all your godly qualities to help him and the family succeed.

Administrator (Prov 31:13-27) Being a good administrator/steward of that which is supplied by the husband will result in multiplication of effectiveness and blessing.  Steward also the spiritual aspects within the family of prayer and the study and application of God’s word.  Reinforce God’s plan for the family.

Reflection of God’s love (1Jn 4:19-21; Jn 13:35) Caring for your husband should be a joy and reflect the servant heart of God.  Forgive quickly and do not keep a record of wrongs.  Draw strength from God’s word.  In doing so, you will gain the ability to weather difficult circumstances effectively and minister healing and wholeness to those in need.  Use your words to nurture and encourage.  Avoid words that tear down and destroy.

Lover/Companion (1Cor 7:3-5; Song of Solomon 2:16) Always remember that your first ministry is to your husband and not the kids, church, job etc.  Maintaining a pleasing appearance is honoring to him.  Be the physical lover he desires but do not be forced or coerced into doing anything against your will.  Your husband should be attentive to your feelings and respect your desires as well.

It should be noted that the pervasive growth of pornography and sexual fantasy has had a devastating effect on true intimacy.  The objectifying of the body as a sexual instrument rather than seeing it as an extension of the intimacy of the marriage covenant has grossly distorted expectations of men and women.

Consequences of engaging in pornographic pursuits are serious and can only be nullified by repentance, forgiveness and purposing to walk out a healthy biblical sexual relationship within the context of marriage.

Reflection of God’s creativity (1Cor 12:7; Tit 2:3-5) Allow God to develop the unique gifts and talents within you.  Don’t compare yourself to others.  By doing so you risk diminishing what God wants to do in your life.  By allowing God to develop you, your strength will complement the strength being developed in your husband.  Keep in mind, God is actively creating new things in us every day.  Embrace the newness.

Intercessor/Discerner (Eph 6:18; 1 Thes 5:17) As you intercede for your husband and family, you bring assurance that the will of God will be done in the family.  Exercise your authority; rebuke the enemy; tear down strongholds of the enemy; command God’s will and purpose over the family.  Ask the Lord for discernment and affirm your role as a helpmate to your husband.

As you can see, these roles are both noble and challenging.  However, they are achievable.  As you commit yourself to being excellent in your respective role, you will see an empowerment manifest through you to energize and build that powerhouse marriage you have always desired.

An excellent study course for strengthening your marriage can be found at: http://www.2equal1.com

Roles can be divided into three separate areas: the role of the couple; the role of the husband; and the role of the wife.

The two primary roles of the couple include:

Exemplify covenantal relationship.  This kind of relationship means to die to self and the independent lifestyle of singleness in order to enter into that “one flesh” covenantal relationship of Genesis 2:24.  In short, this means death to independent living.  This covenantal relationship is to exemplify the Eph. 5:32 relationship of unity between Christ and his church.

The wording in Genesis suggests that it is incumbent upon the husband to leave his parents and be joined/be stuck like glue/cling to his wife.

It is clear that a mandate is given to the man to build his own home under the direct authority of the Lord.  As a grown man, daddy and mommy are not responsible for your house.  You are.  To be clear, while mom and dad may have useful input and wisdom, they are never to be a substitute for hearing directly from the Lord. It is extremely important for a wife to know that her husband is hearing clearly from the Lord.  Where this is a reality, a wife’s respect, confidence and trust naturally follow.

By implication, if the husband is to be stuck like glue to the wife, then the wife must realize that she is also stuck to him.  As too with her husband, well-meaning parental intervention by her family may also be very inappropriate.  Since she also knows that the Lord will be making a new creation of two into one, it is also very important for her to be hearing clearly from the Lord in order to encourage and give perspective and confirmation to her husband.

While I realize that the subject of sharing points of possible contention with parents may be something that is very natural and may be a good thing, it also may be very hurtful to all concerned.  A better suggestion would be to meet with your pastor or a couple in your church that mentors couples.  In this way, bias is a non-issue and negative perceptions of ones spouse by the parents may be avoided.  Keeping the focus on restoration and internal integrity rather than blame is paramount in maintaining unity.

Godly parents.  I have chosen to address this subject here because I see so many couples struggling and getting this role wrong.  Instead of having a biblical concept of parenting coming from a solid marital foundation, most have largely swallowed the world’s view of parenting hook line and sinker and are sacrificing their marriage relationship on the alter of child worship.

In our society today, doing the “best” for our children has often come to mean sacrificing finances, time and even our marriage for the sake of our kids.  Most often, when the marriage has difficulties, it is very easy to avoid dealing with the real issue and start focusing on our job and more often, the kids.  We sign our kids up for everything imaginable so they are not deprived.  We buy our kids all the latest clothing and new gadgets on the market so our kids won’t be perceived as doing without.  We cosign for college loans out of some kind of societal obligation to be perceived as good parents. We go into debt and work multiple jobs to pay for it all.  After all, it’s for our kids.  Right?  WRONG!

Where is God in the whole process? What is God’s plan for this child and our family?  What is His plan to educated this child?  Is it not His responsibility to provide our needs and our responsibility to live within those means?  Is it not He who is faithful who will also do it?  How can we credibly train up our children biblically and engage in efforts that are so very contrary to His word?

To be very clear, helping our children, financially or otherwise achieve their God given purpose is not the issue.  Going about it in an unbiblical fashion is.

In the end, our human effort is often nothing more than parental penance to sooth a guilty conscience that has been birthed out of either personal or marital insecurity.  Since we can’t achieve personal or marital satisfaction biblically, we’ll buy parental satisfaction instead.  It is an extremely slippery slope.

We simply cannot fool what God has placed inside of us.  Trying to pile up a list of “all we have done for our kids” will ultimately leave us AND our children empty when those things have not been of a biblical construct that encourages total dependency on the Lord.

You would think that people would get the fact that when you indulge children, you produce self-indulgent children who become self-indulgent adults and perpetuate failed marriages because of self-indulgence.

On the contrary, when you encourage children to hear from God and to trust Him with His plan, you produce God honoring children who become God honoring adults and perpetuate God’s kingdom constructs for marriage and family. It is that simple.

Of course this redirected shift away from the real issue is a ruse of the enemy because an unhealthy marriage results in imparting unhealthy things to our kids.  Never forget, as husband and wife, you have a covenant with one another.  You have no such covenant with your children.  The most important person in your home/life, God notwithstanding, is your spouse.  Everyone should know that… especially the kids.  I know this sounds harsh, but it is a biblical reality.  The strength of your ability to parent effectively will come from a solid biblically based covenantal marriage.  Period.

The biblical command to “Train up a child in the way he should go” is a mandate given to parents on behalf of His heritage (“Children are the heritage of the Lord Ps. 127:3) They are given to us with a responsibility to train them in the way that God has intentionally “bent” them.  Effective training then of our children begins with communicating effectively with the One who created them so that we would know their purpose and how the Lord has uniquely fashioned them.

Seek the Lord first for a strong marriage and then seek Him on behalf of your children.  He will never disappoint!

As I mentioned in my last blog, we do have an enemy that encourages us to make other choices that will separate us from our intended blessed end and leave us empty and wanting.

To be clear at the outset, agreement works.  Being in unity is powerful.  However, agreement in and of itself will not necessarily get us where we really want to go nor will it necessarily evoke God’s blessing.  In fact, our failure to align with God may incur his judgment or at the very least open the door for us to suffer the negative consequences of such a poor decision.

It is important to note that, we will always be in agreement with something or someone.  Nothing we think or decide is ever unique.  We choose daily with whom or what we will align.  Choices, like the rudder of a ship will determine our course.

Shortly following the landing of the ark and the repopulation process of the earth, God chose to make a covenant with Noah and his descendants in which God promised never again to destroy the earth with a flood.  God had made his choice.  What choice would they make?

We immediately see in two chapters following the situation that arises (in flagrant opposition to God’s covenant) with the Tower of Babel.  God proclaims that because the people are one and have one language (note the use of the word “one”) that nothing they purpose to do will be impossible for them.

While this might seem like a good thing, it was not.  They had purposed to exalt themselves and build themselves a “stairway to heaven”.  They would make their own way and approach God on their own terms.  They would redefine the order God had already put in place and how they would relate to Him.

As a result, God confused their language so that they could no longer understand one another.  They became scattered and ceased building the city.  God will always frustrate our attempts to redefine in our terms, what He has already clearly defined.

So how does this all pertain to a marriage you might ask?  It’s pretty simple actually.

As married couples in covenant with one another, we have an anointing and calling to be in agreement with both each other and also with God.  It is the picture of that threefold cord given to us in scripture that is not easily broken.  Just as the cord is tightly wrapped together so we are as couples to be wrapped around Christ and his word.

When, as a couple, we make decisions to go our own way and build our own towers of what we will call a marriage, we can expect the following:

1. We immediately place ourselves in opposition to God and his will.
2. We immediately place ourselves in agreement with the Evil One.
3. We can expect to become temporarily invigorated with our new “mission”.
4. We will eventually fall into disillusionment.
5. We will then progressively fall into disappointment and despair.
6.  If we do not repent and align with the Lord, we will go through the same process all over again.
7. If we never come to the place of repentance, failed attempts will continue to promote ever changing aberrant marital constructs that can, over time, become hopeless, unbiblical, societal norms.

On the other hand, when we realize that we can walk in the power of grace the Lord has given us to align with one another and His word, we can expect the following:

1. We will immediately step into God’s grace and place ourselves under the full, unadulterated unifying power of the Holy Spirit.
2. We will immediately put God himself between us and the enemy of our blessed covenant of marriage.
3. We will immediately be infused with encouragement and favor to be everything God has meant for us to be.
4. We will continue to become encouraged as we experience God’s transforming power in our marital relationship.
5. We will become stronger, more confident and more determined to follow God’s will for our marriage.
6. We will become excellent examples of a godly marriage that will become an encouragement to others.

When we adopt this principle of agreement with God and one another as a foundation for our marriage, it serves to direct everything we both do and do not do.    It becomes a restrictive track on which we run that will take us to a place of promise, blessing and favor.  Who wouldn’t want that?

I have purposely used the word “restrictive” because that is exactly what God’s track is.  Just like a railroad track defines where the train starts and finishes so does every other track.

We’ve all heard of the common expression, “being off track or getting off track”.  We’ve all been there.  I don’t know how many times I have discovered that my newly washed, polished, fueled and well maintained vehicle has somehow gotten off track.  Things start looking unfamiliar.  My level of confidence in where I’m going begins to weaken.  An uneasiness begins to invade in my stomach.  While the vehicle is, for the moment intact, this track is taking me where I do not want to go.

This is particularly true of marriage.  We can be the most beautiful people, physically attractive, great personalities, financially successful, well educated, well loved by others and either go nowhere because we have become distracted by some other goal and jumped the track or end up in the wrong place because we have chosen to define what a marriage will be for ourselves and gone our own way.

Potential and good intentions never guarantee progress towards any goal.  Potential, when it is properly directed and developed in the right way, produces progress to attain that goal.

When we approach the subject of marriage from the standpoint of agreeing with what God has already set in order, we will reap the successful, fulfilling relationship He has planned for us.

As those who have been tasked with re-presenting the Godhead here upon the earth through the covenant of marriage (see previous blog on Traditional Marriage), words are extremely important.  It was the spoken word that created the heavens and the earth.  It was the spoken word that raised Lazarus from the dead.   It was the spoken word that caused first Eve, then Adam to eat of the tree of good and evil.  Words have power.   Words can bring life.  Words can bring death.  Words matter.

The example of Adam and Eve in the garden shows clearly the importance of getting the words right.  True communication does not occur until exactly what is spoken is accurately received.  Whether one is at the transmission end or the receiving end, the fact is that neither can see into the mind of the other.  Therein lies the difficulty.  Collections of words don’t always accurately communicate what we each see in our minds.  We are effectively blind and dependent on each other for an accurate description.  Trust is not automatic and doubt often pervasive.

When reviewing the biblical account, it is significant that Satan immediately seized on these two weaknesses, and sought to find out exactly what Eve knew about the parameters that had been spoken to her by her husband.  Remember, Eve wasn’t there when the commands were given to Adam.

The interrogation is telling.  It was clear there had been a communication breakdown.  Eve had gotten it wrong.

Adding insult to injury, the bible records that Adam was with her.  At any point he could have stepped in and cleared things up, but he didn’t.  Although it is not clear as to why he didn’t step in, it is my opinion that he was not willing to bet his life to find out whether God meant what he said, but he was willing to bet hers.

While there are many insights we can gain from the account in Genesis, I would like to focus specifically on the subject of words relative to communication.

First, God’s word has two important components; creative power and eternal longevity.  We see this creative power here in Genesis, and the eternal aspect in Matthew and Luke where Jesus declares that heaven and earth will pass away, but his words will not pass away.  This is extremely significant for our subject.

When we align ourselves with God’s word according to his plan, we are aligning ourselves with God’s creative power that will yield an eternal blessing.

Words don’t exist in a vacuum.  Words are God’s primary way of communication between both He and His creation and among those of us created ones.  Those words are to encourage us and provide a construct within which we may live a blessed and effective life.  As such, how we then use words in our marriage become very important.  We can choose to align ourselves and communicate those things that will promote creativity and eternal blessing or not.

Second, we see clearly that the immediate battle Adam and Eve face involves the communicated word.  The goal of the enemy is to render God’s word null and void in our lives.  The very word that would have kept Adam and Eve in the garden enjoying eternal bliss together was firstly challenged by the enemy and then ignored by both Adam and Eve.  Their resulting state could not have been more diametrically opposed to God’s original intent.  Words are important.

The point is that whether we realize it or not, we do have an adversary who will stop at nothing to attack the very core of God’s primary structure…the marriage.  He did so immediately in the garden!  Whether we find ourselves on the transmitting end or receiving end, rest assured that the enemy will be in our midst to immediately attempt to corrupt the words we speak.

Now some of you may be thinking all this a bit extreme, but consider this.  While the enemy is neither omniscient nor omnipresent, he, unlike us, is in the spirit all the time.  Consequently, when he and his minions happen to be in earshot of what is being spoken by the Lord, they hear everything clearly. This is why they question and use doubt to determine exactly what it is that we thought we heard.  When we repeat, as Eve did, a well-intentioned version of Gods command instead of His clearly communicated command, the enemy knows that we are vulnerable and can be easily manipulated.

Additionally, when we compromise as Adam did by not stepping in to protect his bride, we weaken our position of strength and embolden the weaker which is our sworn enemy.  Of course this leads to disaster.

To be clear about this, it could be said that Adam and Eve communicated effectively and ended up on the same page.  It just wasn’t on God’s page.  Communication apart from God’s constructs will appear effective but will not lead to life.  This is why so many marriages that seem to be on the same page are struggling and failing.  They are not on God’s page.

As a married couple for over 40 years, Irene and I learned early on that whatever our perceived differences, every time we assumed an adversarial position to oppose each other or stand in opposition to God’s word, we were allowing ourselves to be manipulated by the enemy.  Intense fellowship happens.  When it does, be proactive by acting in your circumstance instead of reacting to them.

“HELLO…”  We do have an enemy and married couples are not it!  We are on the same side.  We are in covenant with each other.  We are joined together in Christ against our real enemy.  The same is true for all believing couples.  Don’t forget it.

Effective communication begins by:

Knowing that as a married couple we are in covenant with each other.

Knowing that Christ is at the center of our covenant relationship.

Knowing that as we align ourselves with God’s word, we will experience His creative power and eternal blessings.

Knowing that as we each move towards God as individuals we come together in Him.

Knowing that a friend is always on the same side of the struggle.

Knowing that there will be times that we will be tempted to compromise Gods word and will need the intervention of our spouse to help us realign accordingly.

Knowing that it is imperative that we learn to focus, listen and get it right.

When we begin to align ourselves with the above, we will find that the foundation for excellence in communication will have been laid and we will be able to proceed from there.  More on communication next time.

And what about those popular justifications for “non-traditional” marriage that usually include: if we really love each other, that’s what counts and the ever popular, we should be free to marry whomever we want?  Really?

Are we tasked to simply define marriage the way we want and execute it the way we want?  Make it all up as we go along?  Are you serious?  This is nothing but hedonism, pure and simple.  What would children learn about life and living if pleasure was the standard?

For those who may not know, hedonism is the doctrine that pleasure and happiness is the sole or chief good in life.  Some synonyms might include: carnality, sensuality and debauchery.  Antonyms might include: abstinence, temperance and sobriety.  Simply put, hedonism would say that if it feels good do it.  As such, there are no real negative consequences because the pleasure of the moment trumps all.  Sadly, under the guise of pleasure, hedonism, especially when related to marriage, leaves a trail of disappointment, disillusionment, rejection and depression.

The reality is that we can cohabitate with whomever or whatever we wish.  We are free to do so.  Calling that marriage is another thing all together.  Furthermore, asking society to legitimize our every hedonistic action is something else.  Like it or not, while we may feel free to act in a certain manner, society may deem it inappropriate and not wish to condone or legitimize such behavior.  Society makes these kinds of judgments all the time.  Just recently, a town in California refused to legitimize people dining nude in public.

To be clear, pleasure has limitations.  What satisfies today, will not satisfy tomorrow.  When pleasure is the goal, the desire for pleasure eventually becomes insatiable and therefore impossible to achieve.  In the end, the goal of pleasure is a totally empty pursuit.

Here’s the deal.  While pleasurable, marriage is not about the pursuit of pleasure.  In fact, getting married isn’t about being fulfilled, being happy or any other selfish or self-centered motive.  It also isn’t about legitimizing the bedroom or our offspring.   When these objectives become the reason or goal for a marriage, it is doomed to shallowness and ultimately failure because it runs contrary to a biblical foundation.

In spite of the fact that traditional marriage has enjoyed a long history throughout the world as being solely between a man and a woman, there have always been those who would want to push the envelope into other directions by using seemingly plausible philosophies to undercut the original intent of marriage and its foundation of biblical morality.  While we could cite many, the following statement from Joseph Stalin might be appropriate:

America is like a healthy body and its resistance is threefold: its patriotism, its morality and its spiritual life. If we can undermine these three areas, America will collapse from within. – Joseph Stalin

Stalin realized that America was incredibly healthy due to its powerful threefold immune system of which morality and spiritual life were paramount.  He divined correctly… destroy the immune system and the body will become diseased and die.  The biblical foundations of marriage provide an immunized environment promoting a strength and security that are not only able to stand up against all opposition but prevail against it day in and day out. To change a well-known phrase somewhat… it’s the immune system stupid!  The biblical marriage covenant is meant to be THE foundational immune construct present in the world today.  What I am getting ready to explain to you is one of the most powerful truths in the bible.  It will totally transform how you will view the subject of marriage.  Get ready to be encouraged!!

When we trace back the origin of marriage, we see clearly from the account in Genesis that marriage was God’s idea.  Adam wasn’t wandering around looking for a spouse.  In fact, the bible indicates that God himself found that there was NO suitable companion for him and so he determined to fashion a suitable helpmate for Adam from Adam’s own rib.  Imagine that.  God specifically rejected everything he had created as a suitable helpmate/wife for Adam.  Marriage indeed was to be a very special relationship.

This term “helpmate” is important because it alludes to helping bring to pass the purpose that was originally given to Adam.  According to the Genesis account, Adams purpose was fourfold:

Firstly, he was created in both the image and likeness of God.  As such, Adam was to “re-present” God here on the earth.

Secondly, he was given favor to be fruitful/productive and multiply/exponentially productive.

Thirdly, he was given favor and power to subdue the earth.

Finally, he was given authority to have dominion over the earth.

In short, Eve was not given to Adam as a cuddly, soft, benevolent gesture, but rather as a deeply relational synergistic necessity.  The use of the Hebrew word for “helpmate” in other places in the bible strengthens this concept of necessity and synergy.  The phrasings include: being a help and your shield; to strengthen you; to help someone who is mighty.  Clearly, Eve was not given to Adam simply to bring him coffee, corned beef and bagels.

This Genesis account is indicative of the fact that Adam was a mighty man with a mighty and profound calling that required an appropriate and (here’s the key) unique relational partner…. that had yet to be created.  Furthermore, God is creating Eve specifically for Adam.  God is not simply supplying a helper.  He is continuing to develop His creation by establishing the biblical foundation of marriage between Adam and Eve as the basis for “re-presenting” the characteristics of Godhead here on earth.  Chief among those characteristics is the relational continuity of the Godhead established within the covenant of marriage.

Why marriage?  The covenant of marriage between husband and wife is an intentional construct.  It is a powerful, foundational, created biblical covenant that God has established on which He will build His kingdom and through which he will re-present the Godhead.  It has purpose, favor, structure, inherent strength, power and authority that is imparted to it by God himself.  No other human relational tie has been so ordained.  That’s why.

Value living  Act 2:28  You have made known to me the ways of life; You will make me full of joy in Your presence.’

During these challenging times, it can become difficult to value living.  While it may seem like the same thing, valuing living is different from valuing life.

It is kind of like what my wife communicated to one of our kids…. I love you, but right now I don’t like you very much!  Such is life.  We love life and cling to it at every opportunity.  If we see others lives at risk, we step in to help.  We whack the back of a choking victim.  We rush out to push a person away from an oncoming vehicle.  We value life.  We get that.  But do we always value living?

If you are anything like me, you might value living in Hawaii more than where you are now.  However, does it seem that God does not seem to be in touch with the same values?  Apparently, in the eyes of God, Arizona is trumping Hawaii on the place where I should live.

But aren’t we like that?  We tend to value things outside our grasp more than we value things that are well within our grasp.  While the grass may be greener on the other side, it still needs to be mowed.

When we learn to value where we are today, we are able to transcend our circumstances and are able to concentrate more on being in His presence.  After all, true life… eternal life only comes from God.  When we develop a zest for living, the issue of life is already settled in our heart.  Living in Him and through Him becomes our joy and purpose.. which is unconquerable!

Act like a Christian  Mat 5:14-16      “You are the light of the world. A city that is set on a hill cannot be hidden.  “Nor do they light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a lampstand, and it gives light to all [who are] in the house.  “Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven.

I have always been amazed at the number of people who think that it is enough to go to church and be able to quote scripture after scripture as if they will gain the respect of the Devil and his minions so he will leave them alone.

In reality, the Devil probably is leaving them alone.  After all, as long as they are satisfied with the knowledge, actions are a distant second.  It is only in the practical application of that knowledge that the true unconquerable life is lived.

Think about it.  If knowledge was the answer and led to the correct actions, our world would be the most wonderful place.  There is more knowledge in the world than there has ever been.  Yet is doesn’t translate like one would think.  While there are many that prize thought… even Christian thought, it is clear that thought without action is worthless.

Having a personal relationship with God may be intensely personal, but it isn’t private.  Being unconquerable means putting yourself out there and hanging on for dear life.  It means trusting God… period.  Act like you have a relationship with the one and only unconquerable God.   Be confident in how He is leading you and follow unabashedly.  Embrace His supernatural nature in everything you do but ensure that it has a practical application.  In doing so, you will keep the Devil on his heels.

Love  1Pe 3:8,9 Finally, all [of you be] of one mind, having compassion for one another; love as brothers, [be] tenderhearted, [be] courteous; not returning evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary blessing, knowing that you were called to this, that you may inherit a blessing.

Love is really the true test of being unconquerable.  Love is so incredibly proactive, that there is no room for reacting.  Love always acts in circumstances.. never reacts to circumstances.

To be unconquerable, we must completely rely on Gods love to take us to the next step.  Any time we make the decision to take things into our own hands, we have forsake the way of love and chosen unwisely.

As we tour the famous “love chapter” of 1 Cor. 13, it is clear that love is not an emotion.  It is also something that takes us beyond ourselves and thrusts us into a totally dependent relationship on God.  If God does not work this thru us, it is simply not going to happen.

We can see clearly that as we place our trust in God’s ability to love through us, we yield to His power and strength and totally rely on Him.  It is not easy to do.  Someone once said that it’s like freefalling.  Once out of the plane, one thing is sure… we will land somewhere.  It is only your trust that the parachute will open that caused you to step out of a perfectly good flying airplane and believe that it will carry you safely to the ground.

In the end… God so loved the world that he gave his only son.  It is that “so love” that makes all the difference.  It isn’t just that He loves us… it is that he sooooooooo loves us.  And it is that “so love” that motivates us and enables us to release that same love to others.  When we do we are unconquerable!!

With this in mind, let us continue with those principles with which you may align yourself in order to become unconquerable.

Remember where you are.  Eph 5:15-17  See then that you walk circumspectly (cautiously, vigilantly), not as fools but as wise, redeeming the time, because the days are evil.  Therefore do not be unwise, but understand what the will of the Lord [is].

The bible is very clear that earth is not our home.  The bible tells us that we are “strangers and foreigners” here on earth.  We know from the verse above that we are in an evil environment.  Therefore, we should act accordingly.

Have you ever found yourself in a place that is not safe?  How do you act when you find yourself in such a place?

I know what I do.  If I’m walking, I keep my head down, don’t stop and get out of there as quickly as possible.  If I’m in a car, I keep the windows up, doors locked, don’t stop and get out of there as quickly as possible.  I know that environment has nothing for me… absolutely nothing.  No matter what the draw or temporary fulfillment that may be promised, in the end, there will be nothing but emptiness and heartache.  There is a reason no one wants to venture into those areas.  Good reason.

Vanquish all fear and propensity to panic.  2Ti 1:7 For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.

I have been in many situations where fear was very real to me.  I’ve been in a naval ship taking 45-degree rolls in the middle of the ocean with waves breaking over the entire ship.  I’ve been in a vehicle that was about to hurtle off the side of a mountain and for some reason made a right turn on sheer ice.  I’ve been in the middle of a riot in Palestinian controlled Bethlehem following the death of a young Palestinian youth.  I’ve been confronted by heavily armed rebels in Mexico for preaching the gospel.  I’ve been detained in Ghana on trumped up charges and was nearly put in jail.  Fear happens and challenges our unconquerable nature.

When it does, we are encouraged by the bible to vanquish fear.  That means we are to conquer, subjugate, defeat, crush, annihilate, overcome and subdue fear.  How do we do that?  After all, fear is an emotion.  It just is.  It is often there for our own good.   Telling it to go away while standing in front of a roaring lion is not usually productive.

I can tell you that when fear happens, three fear killers are there to vanquish that fear.

The first is power… “dunames” (dynamite) power, Holy Ghost power.  Power to act. Power to command demons.   This power is offensive.  God will strengthen you with supernatural power to stand up to the challenge and equip you to deal with it.  Though the challenge may not change, strength to defeat the fear will enable you to endure the challenge and emerge victorious.

The second is love… “agape” love.  Love not “if” nor “when” but “in spite of” kind of love.  Knowing that whether we live or die, we belong to Him and will dwell with Him either way gives us great comfort.

I remember being on the 12^th floor of an apartment building in the middle of the night when an earthquake struck.  My wife woke me to inform me that the building was swaying intensely and that the hanging lights were crashing into the ceiling.  I appreciated the fact that she woke me to inform me of the impending doom… which I would have blissfully slept thru.

Realizing that there was nothing to be done but pray, I began to pray in the Spirit and went back to sleep.  To this day she can’t believe that I went back to sleep.  Knowing that you are loved will give you great confidence in the midst of a storm.

The third is a sound mind… a self-controlled mind.  A sound mind is a proactive mind.  It has learned to act in circumstances and not react to circumstances.  It is a mind that is immediately submitted to the lordship of Christ and awaits instruction as to how to proceed.  It is a mind that is trained to hear that “still small voice” from the Spirit within and act accordingly.

Improvise  2Ti 3:16,17  All Scripture [is] given by inspiration of God, and [is] profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, thoroughly equipped for every good work.

God’s word equips for every good work.  Not some.  Not most.  But every good work.  Do you know that the same supernatural power that created the entire universe lives and dwells within you?  Do you know that creative power is looking for an outlet?   The Holy Spirit is just looking for an opportunity to ignite the Word of God within us to bring about innovative solutions in our lives.

I was in Mexico when I overheard the following.  A man from the US was being questioned by a local gentleman about why he wasn’t working yet.  “Why aren’t you working?” said the man, “I thought you said you were a mechanic?”  “I am a mechanic.” said the man,  “but I don’t have any of my tools here with me.”  To which the gentleman replied, “What kind of a mechanic are you?  Anyone can fix a car when you have the tools.”  I viewed his response as more of a commentary on auto repair in Mexico than a put down of the mechanic.

However, I do believe that this has a spiritual application.  The Mexican gentleman was alluding to the fact that one does not need a mechanic for something that he has the tools to fix himself.  True mechanics in his mind know how to fix things when they don’t have the tools.

One of the reasons that we all turn to faith is that we don’t have the tools to fix or accomplish certain things.  It is beyond our capability so we seek that which is beyond for a solution.

As Christians, nothing is beyond our capability because that which created the universe dwells in us.   Nothing is beyond His capability.  He always has the correct answer.  He has the power to innovate and delights in innovating thru us.

More next time on aligning yourself to be unconquerable.

Sun Tzu was a famous Chinese general who lived approximately 500 BC and wrote “The Art of War”, which is considered by many to be foundational for those who study warfare and aspire to lead troops into war or must make decisions to send troops to war.

As a Christian, becoming familiar with warfare strategies has been important to me for some time… given the fact that the scriptures are clear about our “advisory, the Devil” being a roaring lion seeking whom he may devour.

Whether we like it or not, we are at war.  We have an enemy and according to the bible, he is the enemy of all righteousness.  Note the operative word “all”.  The minute we acquire some righteousness about us, we should know that we will attract targeted opposition to that new righteousness.  As such, we should prepare accordingly.

According to Sun Tzu, one who would excel at warfare, must FIRST establish himself in a position where he cannot be defeated while not losing any opportunity to defeat the enemy.  Note where we must begin… “with ourselves”.  We cannot prevail without being sufficiently strong within ourselves.

Many well-meaning Christians are strewn along the battlefield of life because of the lack of internal integrity, wisdom and/or strength.  They have entered the field of battle insufficiently conditioned and trained and therefore unprepared for the extraordinary challenges of war.   In war, one must always prepare for the absolute worse case scenario and pray earnestly for the absolute best scenario and outcome.  There can never be enough of either.

When preparing to be unconquerable, we must do the following:

Size up your situation

1Pe 5:8 Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour.

In the above scripture, it is clear that the devil is on the hunt and that he is hunting something specific… one whom he may devour (the weak and unprepared).  By extension, we can suggest that there will be some he cannot devour and they will be the ones who have prepared by thoroughly sizing up their situation.

The first step in this process is to objectively size up your physical, spiritual and mental condition.

Our overall physical condition is very important.  Did you know that something very basic like being sleepy or tired could have drastic consequences?  Excessive sleepiness is the second cause of automobile accidents in the US.

Often we attempt to burn the candle at both ends and expect God to make up the difference.  After all, He understands our heart.  Really?

He understands very well that our bodies need specific care.  When we do not take the time to care for our physical well being, we are not honoring God’s creation nor his provision for our health.  Hence we become conquerable.

Secondly, we must size up our surroundings.  Where are you?  What is the environment?  Is it friendly (home, church, Christian friends, home group)?  Is your environment hostile or potentially so (secular work place, night club, secular school, party)?

If your surroundings are friendly, then you will feel encouraged and supported.  If your surroundings are hostile, you will feel threatened and insecure.  When you know where you are, you know what to expect.

Thirdly, we must size up our equipment.  Again, this might seem rather mundane, but if the car will not start, we’re going nowhere.  If the roof leaks, then whenever it rains, we will be forced to deal with that instead of having the freedom to do other things.

Being intentional and prepared when it comes to the above three areas will dramatically increase our ability to be unconquerable.

After we size up our situation, the next step is:

Avoid responding in undue haste.

Isa 28:16 Therefore thus saith the Lord GOD, Behold, I lay in Zion for a foundation a stone, a tried stone, a precious corner [stone], a sure foundation: he that believeth shall not make haste.

One of the more effective tactics in the Vietnam war used by the Viet Cong was to launch a few missiles into US camps and then wait for a short period of time to launch another round.  The first rounds were to cause people in the camp to run for cover.  When the rounds went off, everyone fell to the ground for protection.  After a break in the initial barrage, it was natural to jump up and start running for cover again.  That was when the next rounds would come and decimate whoever was hastily running for cover.  Haste can put us at risk.

Making ourselves unconquerable requires us to practice patience and those behaviors that contribute to being wise and proactive. Reactive behavior almost always is flawed in some way.

The most important training in which we may engage to strengthen ourselves in this area is to practice being in the presence of God.  Time invested in prayer and especially meditating is absolutely essential in developing a quiet confidence that results in releasing controlled proactive power.

These are only the first of eight strategies I will be giving to you.  Please see the following releases for all eight.

Start today to prepare yourself to be thoroughly furnished for every good work!!

Later in the presentation, the subject came up as to the best way to detect the counterfeit.  We were told that the best way to discover a counterfeit was when one consistently handled the real thing; one could feel the difference when a counterfeit was slipped in.  It was the paper not the printing that gave it away.

In today’s avatar world of fantasy reality, the counterfeit has become more accessible and readily received.  That which is actually real and rooted in truth has become suspect and often less desirable.  Biblical principles gave way to biblical suggestions which have given way to biblical ignorance and skepticism in favor of almost anything counterfeit.   We have become a largely biblically ignorant culture that has embraced a counterfeit intellectual paradigm that is systematically destroying families, culture and government.

It would seem that no matter in which direction we look, “intellectual” ideology is being implemented as fact rather than time tested biblical principles.   By embracing these kinds of decisions, problems are multiplied by the consequences of sin… problems that we were never meant to deal with.

If we were to go back just 50 years ago, we would find that no-fault divorce was passed.  The new law was to eliminate fabricating spousal wrong doing in order to obtain a fault based divorce.  Seemed intellectually reasonable at the time.

From 1950-1980 the divorce rate more than doubled so that instead of having a divorce rate of 20%, the divorce rate climbed to 50%.  In 1950 only 11% of the children born to married parents witnessed divorce.  In 1970 that figure was 50%.  While the divorce rate is just the tip of the iceberg with relationship to the family, it is clear that making laws that encourage divorce rather than helping people stay together has forced over 1 million children to have to deal with something they were never intended to deal with.  Under the guise of fixing a problem, we unwittingly create a number of others that perpetuates itself until a biblical paradigm is restored.

The same has been true of birth control.  Growing up as a teen in the early 60’s there was a big push for birth control.  We were told that since it was virtually impossible for teens to control themselves sexually, we needed to be “responsible”, protect ourselves from diseases and use some form of birth control.  After all, the population was totally out of control and we all needed to do our part.  (Of course the population growth assessment was shown to be totally incorrect).

Now that we have had 50 years to look back, how did we do with this strategy to prevent pregnancies?  If we look only at one statistic it is alarming enough.  In 1960, the abortion rate was .01 percent; in 1970, 4.9 percent; in 1980, 30.1%; 1990, 27.9%; in 2000, 24.4; and in 2008, 22.2.   When we educated people by telling them that since they were not able to control themselves they should use birth control, the percentages of unwanted pregnancies skyrocketed.  While this philosophy is still largely accepted as truth, sexually transmitted disease has skyrocketed, unwanted pregnancies have skyrocketed and we are again dealing with consequences of sin that we were never intended to deal with.

Most recently, our nation has been experiencing the financial consequences of replacing biblical principles with intellectual solutions.  Worse yet, it would appear that the intellectual solutions were not only not very intellectual, but stupid and destructive.

It would seem elemental to any educated person and clear even to the uneducated, that one cannot spend more than they make… at least not for very long.  Eventually, the credit is shut off and one is forced to live within their means.

Why is it that the federal government gets a pass on this?  How is this thinking even a consideration?  Why are we even dignifying this subject with a discussion as to whether it is a real problem?  The only discussion we need to be having is how to cut spending and pay off the debt.  This is something we all but our elected officials in Washington seem to understand.  It would seem that there is a serious gap between that which is “intellectual” and that which is “intelligent”.  For the intellectual, thoughts are prized.  For the intelligent, practical workable solutions are prized.  The intellectual sells the sizzle; the intelligent eat the steak.

The intellectual seems to think that when we are severely in debt, it makes sense to spend huge amounts of money.  The intelligent know that when one is severely in debt one must make difficult decisions to cut back and make a workable plan to bring things back in balance.

Whether it is the examples above or genetically modified food crops, chemically infused feedstocks fed to animals, subsidies given to large corporations, more money spent to improve education etc. one constant runs through it all.  In spite of all the evidence to the contrary, the counterfeit is being wholly embraced as the real thing.  Is it any wonder things are not going in a positive direction?

We must return to a biblical center.  We must learn accept that the biblical parameters set forth by God in his word are there for our protection.  We must understand that once sin is conceived, it brings forth death… not sometimes; not most of the time; but all the time.  Sin is a killer.

Just like with currency, it’s the paper not the printing that makes the difference.  God says that he will write his word upon your heart.  He will write the real thing deep within you and will transform you from the inside out for all to see.  You are the paper that God will use to expose the counterfeit.

Start today to realign yourself with Gods word.   Pray that the Lord will guide you as you move back in his direction.   Be determined to learn how to be a doer of the word and not a hearer only.  Surround yourself with people who, like you, are committed to growing in the grace and knowledge of the Lord and are committed to honoring God in all that they do.  Align yourself in a solid bible based church where people are encouraged and mentored in how to properly apply God’s word.

Finally, be that light that is set on a hill for others to see.  While people may debate the word of God, a changed life is not debatable.

Let your light so shine before men that they might see your good works and glorify your Father which is in heaven.